Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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