We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
