I'm eating all of the evidence.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
