By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
