I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
