She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
