Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
