I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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