My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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