Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tonight lets celebrate not being married
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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