we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
