Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
