Your dad touched me again.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
