sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
