I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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