hell yes lets make some ravioli
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
