I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
