I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
