Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
