Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
