i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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