No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
