So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
