Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
