i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
