Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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