toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize