A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
