I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
