I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
