My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
