and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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