were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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