the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
