Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
