I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
