I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
