We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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