I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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