naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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