things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
