You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
