Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize