Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize