I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
