You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
