She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
