I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
