I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
