I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
