i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
