we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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