i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
