Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
