dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
