i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
