So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
