I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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