I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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