He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
