Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
