If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize