i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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