so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
