can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
