im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
