i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
