My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's never too late to be topless.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
