I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
