she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
