I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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