I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
