meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize