At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
