You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
