I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
