i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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