Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
